Sunday, January 07, 2007

not a burning bush, but still pretty cool

Read this last night:
"You want to know why seeing stark evil hasn't made me rough or bitter? Remember, I said it was God who was prying the little girl's hands off her eyes. As if He were saying, 'I can't use ivory-tower followers. They're plaster of paris, they crumble and fall apart in life's press. So you've got to see life the way it really is before you can do anything about evil. You cannot vanquish it. I can. But in My world the battle against evil has to be a joint endeavor. You and Me. I, God, in you, can have the victory every time.'"
Christy by Catherine Marshall

Crazy how God speaks in random places. This is a fiction book that I've been reading. (It keeps finding its way to the top of the stack of serious Christian books I've got.)

I've been praying alot about why bad stuff has happened to me. And why God would want to use me if I'm such a mess. And why it is that I see the bad stuff and feel compelled to do anything about it.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007


I don't like being ignored.

It hurts my feelings. I take it way too personally.

I assume (perhaps wrongly? not sure) that I'm friends with the people around me. So when I get treated differently by one of those people, I freak out.

What happens is that I decide that I must have done something to make them dislike me. Which makes me more awkward than I am on a normal basis. And then it's all downhill from there.

It makes me feel invisible. Like I don't matter. Like it wouldn't matter if I was there or not because they want to avoid me anyway.

It's been a battle. Me versus Satan. Frankly, he wins way more that I'd like to admit.

I know that it doesn't matter what other people think of me. That I shouldn't care because God loves me and that's all I need. But it still bothers me to think that I ever did anything to push someone away from being my friend.