subtlety

Tonight we were talking about subtlety. In particular, do men get things we girls do and do we get things they do? Or all we all trying so hard to be subtle that we miss it all? We didn't exactly come to any conclusions.

Somehow this lead to a pretty hilarious conversation on pickup lines. Suggestions ranged from "do you have a pen?" to "You're attractive and I want to have your babies." Danielle and Danielle definitely had very different styles. Julie was working the batting of her eyes.

Somehow in all this I recapped Henry Cloud's book "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping." (As much as I hate dating advice books, this one is pretty good. He goes beyond dating and talks alot about good social skills.)

One of the bits of advice in this book is to just practice talking to people whenever you have a chance. Which got us back to pickup lines.

Not one of our ideas was in the least bit sublte. Hilarious but not sublte.

As we were leaving, Julie says to Andy and Will, "You're both attractive. Which one of you wants to take me to dinner?"

Hilarious. Unsubtle. Brilliant.

Family

A friend loaned me the first season of Brothers and Sisters on DVD. (Shame on her. All I've done since Sunday is watch TV.) She said she liked the show becasuse it reminds her of her own family.

A few great things about the show are the amazing house and the size of the family (five kids). My favorite thing about the show is how much of a mess each character is. They've all got their own set of issues and unlike many tv shows, they're reasonably realistic issues.

Another friend mentioned how the family just talks about things and gets it out there.

A while back I was talking to someone about how my family never, ever talks about things. Some pretty tragic, serious, scary and messed up stuff has happened in my life and none of it has ever been discussed between me and my parents. There are events, that now even over 10 years later, I'm still not sure what happened.

My question is this: Do families talk to each other like the one in the show? Or is my family just weird because we don't?

online dating

Let me start by saying that I neither condone nor condemn online dating. I'm by no means knocking it; I'm just saying that I'm not feeling it.

I've known people for whom it's been a positive experience. They've gone on dates, met some interesting people and had some funny stories to tell. One person I know even met her fiance online.

To be clear, I'm content with my singleness.

Lately though, I've had several people start in on me as to what I was doing to meet new people (At least two of those people just want me to be able to hang out with them more, being as they're married and do couple things.) Most recently my mom asked me about it.

In my defense, I was on a four year leave of absence from real life.

It seems that online dating has come up in conversation quite a bit lately. And today I had to explain to my mom why I wasn't participating. She even quoted Dr. Phil. (ugh.)

My understanding of these services is this: you answer multiple guess questions about yourself, a computer runs some matches, and then you pay a fee each month to wink at people in hopes that someone will want to start communicating with you.

I don't know about you, but I am much more complex than a multiple guess question. Besides the fact that I'd much rather meet someone who complimented me rather than meeting someone who was the same as me. And meeting someone based on an online profile seems so one dimensional to me.

I think that instead of paying the fee for this service I could use that money to do activites I enjoy. Seems like more fun that way. It's not all about "meeting someone" that way. That would just be an added bonus. I'd be much more myself than I would be having to meet some stranger for dinner.

I'm holding out for God's best. Not that the online method isn't a way to that. It's just that I think God is more creative than that.

confrontation

Normally, I hate confrontation. Avoid it at all possible costs. Don't even consider it as an option. Brush it under the rug as "it'll get better" or "I'm over-reacting" or "it's not my place" or any number of other excuses.

I'm learning to like it.

I can't believe I just said that.

After a good solid year of repeatedly feeling disrespected by a manager at work, I've decided that I'd had enough.

After another manager convinced me to stand up to him, he got in my face and yelled. We then had the same conversation that we've had about the issue for the past year.

I tried just sucking it up and doing the work and not letting it get to me. The work got done but I was miserable.

I tried making excuses about being humble but I couldn't seem to reconcile what I understand about Jesus with being a doormat.

I realized that I had three choices: 1. let him continue to disrespect me, 2. find a new job, and 3. talk to my boss about it. By not saying anything I felt like I was enabling the situation. By leaving I lose out big time. I like my job alot. There are tons of reasons why I don't want to get a new job. (More on that another time. I'm still a little (ok, alot) blown away by it.)

Leaving option number three.

My boss was totally cool with me talking to him. He even suggested that I talk more with this manager and with the others that also work for him. I felt somewhat like we were ganging up on the guy. But I asked my boss for help in the situation and this is what he suggested.

We made sure to present him with positives and with some concrete actions he could take to help prevent this tension from developing.

Part of my feels really badly for making such a fuss. The rest of me feels darn good that I was able to talk to him without crying or backing down, all while knowing that my boss was totally cool with me talking to this guy.

This isn't to say that I don't take some responsibility for the tension. I do take things he's said a little too personally sometimes. I actually really think this guy is a good guy which is probably why it bothers me so much that I have issues working with him.

However...

I know full well that this is going to happen again. He'll treat me better for a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a few months. And then it's going to happen again. I'd like to be optimistic about it.

It's no longer an isolated incident. We can't get along with everyone all the time. But we're in this cycle. It happens to other people in the office. But it's out there in the open now.

All this to say that I'm actually feeling good about the situation. It was an exhausting afternoon.

Advice from my mentor was this: how I handle this situation is going to set the tone for how I handle my career from here on out. It's also going to set the tone for how much I repsect myself and impact my life beyond work. (darn him. he has a trend toward being right all too often.)

If nothing else, it shows that I'm willing to man up to the tension and attempt to wrestle with it and deal with it.

It seems better just being able to say that I"m not okay with something.

I've previously been a world champion faker. I'm done. Finished.

house pictures (finally)

Welcome to Jones Street! This is my house. It was built around 1920 and is a bungalow style house. Keep scrolling down for more pictures.










the living room. the panel door on the left goes to a bedroom.











The fireplace in the living room.












The bathroom. You can't tell from the picture, but it was paneled around the existing elements.

















Dining room. Seriously sagging floors in this room.











Kitchen (an appropriate Go Heels! color) Definitely major demolition scheduled for this room.

















That's all. There are 2 bedrooms and a back den area but there's not much to see so I didn't post pictures*. If you ever get bored or frustrated and want to peel some paint or wallpaper, just call.

* Thanks to my picture-posting coach for explaining how to put pictures on this thing.

actually remembering to blog: take 463

So clearly my attempts to keep up with blogging haven't gone so well yet again...

I think it's a little weird to post things that go on in my head on the internets. Maybe it's a nice way to keep people up to date with my life. (of course, then I wonder who on earth is reading this.) The problem is that I can't give a simple play-by-play without going off on tangents. Hence my most recent nickname of "spaghetti girl." I could write for hours. Maybe I should aim for a little bit each night.

Thought for the week (ok, the past couple of weeks): Where's the line between humility and doormat-ity?

** house pictures coming as soon as I find the USB cable.