lots of random thoughts

So I've been doing lots of thinking lately... so just a warning that this may be rather random...

I just finished watching the Notebook. Now, I almost never cry over movies, especially chic flicks. But oh my gosh... the old people really got to me in this one. Combined with my recent ponderings on my current state of singleness, let's just say I was definitely a mess. I know that I joke alot about being old and how I don't date and I don't want to give anyone the idea that that's all I think about or that I'm desparate or anything, but I have been thinking about it all lately. (Note to self: don't watch chic flicks for a while.)

I'll be 25 in 6 months and I have to say that it is rather discourgaging when so many people my age or younger are getting married in the next few years. I haven't given up hope that God does want me to get married and have a family. Until I hear a really loud "No!" from Him, then I"m not ready to accept staying single forever. So I'm optomistic, don't get me wrong... God keeps giving me hints, which is awesome, but rather frustrating at the same time. I know what I want, I just know that I can't have it yet and I don't know why. I want to laugh and cry and scream all at the same time. Since I've never been the dating type, I know that God is up to something huge. (and besides, does anything in my life ever happen the "normal way?") Now it's all a matter of waiting...

Meanwhile, I've got to become 100% comfortable with myself. Now, most of the time I've got it more or less together. And I've been learning alot about myself lately. I don't want to be the center of attention; in fact, I really hate being the center. My favorite people are the ones that you can do absolutely nothing with and have the best time ever with. Talking isn't even necessary sometimes with these people. I want to be loved. I want to be liked. I want to slow down. I desparately want to be exactly who God made me to be. I don't want to sit around and ask permission anymore. I want to do things. Big things. And to do it, I'm going to need someone to keep me grounded.