Balance

I've lost my sense of balance lately.

Until a little over a year ago, my life was always heavily weighted toward school and school related activities. Even with grad school being so consuming, I still felt more even than I do now.

For the first time in my life, there is no obvious next thing. In school, I knew that the end of a semester would be packed but there would be a break soon. Besides, someone else had planned that for me. Who was I to argue with a few days off?

But now my time is my own. Even my work schedule is more or less up to me. Yet I don't take advantage of it like I should.

Instead, I tend to swing between extremes. One week I'll work too much, not see or talk to people at all, completely forget to visit with God, never make it to the gym and not eat a single meal that isn't a sandwich. The next week will be the total opposite.

The result is that I'm exhausted. I don't even feel human some days.

What I've got to learn to do is balance my life. There are some things that I have to do and a whole bunch more that I want to do.

Some of the things that I "have" to do are all in my head. I get stuck there sometimes and usually need help getting unstuck. That seems to be what's really throwing me off balance.

With balance comes order. I like order. The lack of it is making me crazy.