Have you ever felt lilke a social retard? I feel that way 95% of the time. I've learned to deal with it most of the time. It takes everything I've got to be cheerful and friendly some days. My entire life I've had to deal with this and I do not like it. And even when I manage to be a good party-goer, the entire time I feel awkward, out of place, and completely nerdy. Other days, I don't like to make plans because I wonder if people really want to hang out with me. Which makes me feel even sillier for even thinking such a thing.
And the strangest thing is, no one ever seems to catch onto this. Why?
Overall, I'm a fairly confident person. (FYI: if you ever pray for confidence, you'd better mean it. Because God will definitley teach you what it means to be confident. Take my word for it.) But for some reason, when it comes to socializing like a normal human being, I feel like I fail miserably.
I say all this not because I want anyone to feel sorry for me. (Trust me, that would make it worse). I just want you to know that if it ever seems like I'm trying to hard to be social, then that's why.
On a good note, I got an internship! Yay! I'll be working at Integrated Design starting on Monday! I get an email address and a desk and everything.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Thanks Emily! You do always do a good job of making me feel un-retarded.
I know how you feel. Everyday a struggle. Everyone I know thinks I'm laid back and have an easy life, but I they don't know the pain I have to put up with. I can't shake off this feeling of being different and unable to connect with people. Whether it's my paranoia of people hating me or that people do hate me, everyday contains awkwardness and reminders of how socially retarded I am. I hate it, which makes me hate life - which is the worst thing because when life's been good it feel great. I just don't know what to do.
Ah well, I guess millions upon millions of people have gone through it in the past. Just wish it was over...
An Optimistic Pessimist!
You should read "the introvert advantage". Sounds like you're an introvert to me and there's nothing wrong with that! I'm an introvert too and I find it exhausting going out and meeting people when others find it fun.
Post a Comment